What came up for me this month was my human-ness, specifically anger. Being human means I have feelings which show me about myself.
Let’s pretend that we have reverence for our own lives, that we love ourselves. Ok, I’ll start. I love my human-ness. I love my anger, it lets me see where I need to direct my attention, not to the guy who cut me off on the freeway, but to my own anger in the situation. If all the world is a mirror of me to help me learn about myself then what was that showing me? Behind anger is fear. Was I angry because he was breaking the rules and I don’t because I’m afraid of being caught doing something wrong? Was I angry because I was scared to death in that moment? Was I angry because his action surprised and frightened me and I didn’t know what he would do next? So far I have 1) “How come he can break the rules and I can’t?”, so….fear that I’ll get caught doing something wrong; 2) “I felt like a victim when I was scared to death.”; and, 3) “I had a fear of the unknown.” I claim all three.
I’m going to focus on number one 1). “…afraid of being caught doing something
wrong.” As a child I learned that I must strive to be perfect, to be perfect in thought, word and deed. To be on the alert at all times to ensure I was being perfect. When I transgressed I would have to confess the wrongdoings once a week in Confession. That created fear in me, fear of not being perfect. Now, there’s a belief we can all do without. I mean………come on………little
kids scared to death to do anything, say anything and think anything that wasn’t
Godlike. What a way to control. And, apparently I still had that belief, I was still under the control of that belief. How about, “I am perfect as I am.” How about, “I am perfectly me.” I like those. I could say I worked on that but I prefer to
say I played in the energy of being perfectly me with all the “bad” I’ve done over my lifetime. The “bad” were simply experiences that I chose at the time, at 5, 7, 10, every age, simply experiences that I chose which I chose with the knowledge I had at the time. Doesn’t make any of it wrong, it was simply a choice at the time. Thinking, “I hate that girl,” doesn’t make an 8 yr old bad or unGodlike,
it just makes her an 8 yr old who for some reason has strong negative feelings
for another girl.
I’m going to forgive myself for all the “bad” thoughts I ever had. All thoughts I have are based on my beliefs past or present. I’m changing the belief from “Must Be Perfect” to “I Am Perfectly ME”. So there!
So……….I noticed the anger and named it, “Fear”. I became aware of it and then allowed it (oh yes, there was mass cuss words, and cussing is not a sin). I acknowledged it and accepted that it was mine. I appreciated that it was MY feeling. And, I embraced it. I embraced my human-ness.
Ok, let’s play the “I Love game”, I’ll start: I love fresh air after rain showers…….I love a mocha latte……I LOVE ME.
Your turn.
Love, Light & Laughter,
Terry
